Toast and Bread – (Week 4)


The English language has always had a couple of tricks up its sleeve. You can honestly never trust it because sometimes it manages to trip you up in the most unfair way.

Let me ask you a question:

What do you put into a toaster?

If you answered “butter” you’re correct, and perhaps have gone through more toasters than you’d like to admit. So for now, let’s pretend that the answer is “bread.”

But you may have instinctively said “toast.” Now, philosophers may be able to argue that this is also an acceptable answer, but most people will call you out on your chess blunder, and you’ll be condemned to the pit of shame, citing that toast is what you take out of a toaster and that you actually put bread in a toaster.

“You know what they say, all toasters toast, toast!” – Super Mario (Hotel Mario, 1994)

Bread is one of the most famous and widely recognized foods ever eaten. If you haven’t eaten bread, then you probably aren’t even alive. Toast is similar and almost as recognizable as bread, but it’s not necessarily the same as bread as we’ve gone over before. Toast must be toasted to become toast. Otherwise, it’s just bread. Due to this phenomenon, weird gizmos called “toasters” began to appear which were specifically designed for making toast. You put in bread, and it magically turns into toast! It’s like magic!

The way it really works is that it heats up the bread, and that bread becomes hot enough to be scientifically classified as toast. Hypothetically speaking, making toast wouldn’t require a toaster, just a source of heat strong enough to toast your bread. Have you ever fantasized about sticking a piece of bread on a stick and roasting it over a campfire? What about leaving it on the beach to tan in the sun? Maybe in just a few years, new technological advances my allow this to be possible! For now, however, just stick with a toaster.

Smart Toaster; yes, this is real

This entire blog post has kind of shifted from toast and bread to toasters, but they’re close enough, so I’ll allow it for now. However, did you know that toasters can toast more than just toas—uh I mean—bread? That’s right! Toasters can be used for bagels and waffles, sometimes they even have a specific setting for them. Whatever you can fit in those little two (or four, if you’re a first class citizen) slots can be toasted or heated up in a toaster. Chicken wings, wood, smores, and ice cream can all be *hypothetically* be fit into a toaster! They’ll taste delicious too! The toaster revolution is here! There is no escape.

It’s pretty difficult to write a summary about bread. Over this blog post, we’ve gone over pretty much all of the major components of bread: The toaster, the bread, and the toast. Bread has existed for centuries and is eaten around the world. You might be eating bread RIGHT NOW, or maybe you ate bread earlier today!

Bread may be eaten across the world, but that doesn’t mean you can eat it at any time. Eating bread after midnight is not appropriate, even if you are in your own home. And no, the “but it’s morning in some other time zone!” excuse is not valid. Dirty after-midnight-bread eaters are not and never welcome here.

Wait.

Isn’t it always after midnight?

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